Humans; such strange creatures are we. Each of us our own walking enigma. Our lives; A series of moments. All of which, are strung together into some form of beautiful progression. Each experience, a new measure penciled into the score. Oscillating crescendo's and decrescendo's eventually coalescing, harmonizing into our own incredibly unique melody. Every single heartbeat an opportunity to change the course of our fate, or to have our destiny altered by something as simple as a captivating glance or a single word spoken. To take in each of these moments completely seems like such a simple thing. Just focus every shard of your attention on the breath at hand. Inhale, focus, exhale, yet, in practice how many of those breaths do we waste gasping for fresh air as we continue to stand surrounded by the smog of our own self imposed complication.
Inhale...
Callously replaying the remnants of our faded past. Allowing snapshot after snapshot to loop endlessly through our minds. Lost in a sea of wishes that were carried away long ago by the tides of time. The things that we did, the words that we said, or what we failed in the moment to find the courage to. Knowing that we can't change any of it, yet still we remain consumed by pointless obsessions, over heartbeats that thumped in our chest so long ago, that even their distant echo's have long since faded into oblivion.
Exhale...
Anticipating the imaginary futures of every situation. The majority of which will never even come to pass. Building such epic stories in our minds that they almost become real. Living breathing whispers that only we can hear. The frequency of their rhythm, harmonizing in tones of excitement, of anxiety, of fear and worry, of stress and dismay. Vibrations that block us from the present as their reverberations pulse through us. Amplified by mentally conjuring spells of fantasy, ironically, designed by us, yet still they utterly wreak havoc upon our inner world. Then, just as quickly, reality steps back in. The fantasy begins to fade, degrading over time, until eventually it withers up and dies, long before it could ever come into existence. Yet, not before it has already suffocated us in madness, and left us questioning ourselves over the foolishness of believing, that its eventuality could have ever become something real.
Inhale...
How many times do we dance to the beat of our own delusions until our feet become blistered and our legs feel like they can no longer bear the load of what we fear ourselves to be? Unworthy. Undeserving. Not good enough for the affections of others. Not good enough for the affections of even ourselves. How many times do we struggle with our self confidence while we paint a facade of smiles across our saddened faces. Lying to everyone by saying we are fine. While we try so desperately to keep the world from seeing the storms of torment and pain that rage within our own darkened soul. Denying ourselves the acknowledgement that everyone else has performed this exact same act themselves at one time or another. It should be such an easy thing to simply just ask for help, but the burden of what others will think is one that is often to heavy for us to carry.
Exhale...
How often we glance in the mirror and see only the broken fragments of what we once were. Shadows of the scars that others have left behind. Carved into our flesh so deeply that they seep through our skin and bury themselves into our bones. Twisting and squeezing pieces of us that crack under the pressure and shatter when we fall. Convinced, that those parts of us will never again heal. We forget that they will and eventually we will see the truth. That the pieces that are now gone, weren't really ripped away. They are gone because they were never really meant for us at all. They were always supposed to fracture and fall away. And in doing so, they changed the right parts of you to make space for pieces that will fit you better in future times to come. The lessons of experience are never free. They can cost us dearly sometimes. But they are often also necessary to construct the mold that will be used to forge a new version of you. One of which at that time you never imagined could ever come to be. A version wrought in strength, endurance, and wisdom, it's brittleness tempered all away.
Inhale...
Focus... Close your eyes and allow the tempo to begin to slow. Focus, on ignoring the beats of the past, they have served their purpose, but are no longer part of this procession. Focus, on shielding your mind from the barrage of infinite futures, pay attention only to the ones that clearly belong to your ensemble. Focus, on your senses, open your eyes and see what is around you, perk up your ears and listen to the sounds of this moment, breathe through your nose and smell what the world has to offer you. Focus, on discarding negative thoughts, and remembering that each and every person, especially yourself is deserving, is worthy and is always good enough. Focus, on taking from this heartbeat the gratitude of remembrance that you are never really broken. The discomfort, the ache, the soreness, even the pain and agony are all necessary to change you, to bring you growth, to allow you to evolve into a better you once the wounds left behind do finally heal... Focus, on just this measure, it is the only one that matters, and it only matters until it comes to an end and the next one begins.
Exhale...
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