Written within the stars there is a proverb of sorts that states the fates will see to it that people will experience three great loves in their life. The purpose of each of these experiences is to teach a different lesson. One, often found in youth, will bring forth proof of love's existence, and to raise one's awareness of its presence. Another, will build upon the scars that were left behind, intent this time to shine its light inward, to pull taut one's inner strings, to tune them to just the right frequency and tone that will allow them to harmonize with themself fully. The last, wrought of passion, affection, tenderness and support will provide the comforts of unity, of togetherness, and of home. The illusions of free will and control over your own destiny will be stripped clean and laid bare, for love is a ship that sails on a hull of it's own making, navigating tides that can never be steered, plotting it's own course on charts drawn in inks that cannot be altered.
As a naive and inexperienced youth, bravado and ignorance are comforting allies. They protect the young from truth, their embrace is one of safety and reassurance. They speak in whispers of affirmation that build within you a false confidence that makes you believe that it is a choice, and one that is well within your capability, to temper the storms of chaos that are brought to your shores by another. That you have the strength to bask in their warmth, and can resist the hardships of their winds or easily leave to find shelter when their rain starts to pour and thunder starts to boom. Despite sensible words that attempt to warn you that your fallacy is a trap, one projected in fantasy and strung together with threads of simplicity, which hold it together only tightly enough to hide away it's depth while the facade of its appeal leaks freely from it's seam, you will forge blindly into the night anyway, unaware of the dangers that lie within it's shadows. Sometimes, the reality of a thing can not be believed, until it's truth is felt in the heat of the harsh sting, that follows the vehemently profound slap of your own experience.
For me, the first lesson was one of possibility. It's intent, to make me believe in the fairy tale of it all. That a boy can meet a girl, and a girl can meet a boy. That when brought together, the path to happily ever after would be as clear as the sun on a blue cloudless day. That from within the heartbeat of a single glance from across a room, a shared gaze that caused eyes to lock, love was conjured instantly from the realms of fantasy and in the flash of it's reverence I was made to bow to it's undeniable power. A moment, was all that it took to forever change the trajectory of my life, whether I had desired it to be so or not. There existed no immunity to its will, no shield which could withstand it's might, nor structure that can weather it's storm. It bent all of my sensibilities to it's own desires, crumbling all of my defenses as if they were mere blades of grass that could be blown away and flung in any direction that the wind demanded.
That lesson of possibility was not one that desired to forever hold it's sway. It served also to teach the hard reality of betrayal. Deep scars of destruction and feelings of utter emptiness, the only remnants left in the wake of it's once sweet and gentle caress being so violently ripped away. When such a seductive web of puppetry and manipulation wraps it's intoxicating tendrils around you, It is easy to see nothing but the veil of beauty and wonder that fold so convincingly around the deception and malice shrouded underneath. For possibility is also indeed a master of masks, disguising it's side of torment and pain as mere myths of fantasy. The perfect mirage, warping all your senses while you remain enraptured by the trance of another's seductive spell. It is only when that spell fades, that the illusion finally fades with it, revealing one final revelation. That, just as quickly as love can be found, so may it be lost in an abyss of fallen tears.
The second, was a lesson of self. A journey of inner exploration. A deep companionship that taught me to traverse every aspect of myself. From the genesis of where I begin to the very limits of where I end, and then... even farther still. It melted away any previously conceived notions of who I thought I was and bore forth a form of redefinition that I never thought I would be. It has stripped me down to blood and bone, and then rebuilt me in a skin that strives for mastery, in understanding not only the ways in which I tick, but the why's as well. Like a seer capable of pulling visions from the ether, so was I imbued with much clarity about the trauma's of my past. I was awakened in my understanding about the person that I used to be and why I no longer could continue to live in that disguise. From this experience, many parts of me have been reborn. Using my own answers to the why's, I continue my introspection of the what's and try to be laser focused on the how's that are needed to harness my own definition of peace. To wield that perception like a sword that can cut through my own bullshit and eventually sculpt the mold that will give shape to my true authenticity.
Tearing yourself apart from the inside out is no small thing it turns out. Nothing worth having nor becoming the person that you want to be ever is. Taking yourself to the task of pulling apart the beliefs that you once felt were fused, to the very mesh of your own identity, is not supposed to be easy. You have to be tough on yourself, call your thoughts, everything that you believe, and all of your actions, into question. Use the parts of you that you're proudest of as a foundation to hold yourself steady as you rip away all of the programming and ignorance that life has forced into you. The price at times can feel high, the road will almost never be smooth and instead often bumpy, the rains sometimes fall so thick from the sunless sky, that at times you may fear that you will drown. I found all of this to be true... and still have not a completed puzzle to show. But the pieces that fit... do so more cleanly. I owe much of my lesson of self to the person who guided me through it. They taught me how to be a better version of myself, and how to have much healthier relationships in the future. She may not have been my happily ever after, but she remains a close companion, and my truest friend.
As for the third lesson, that one remains to keep it's details concealed in mystery. It's not a lesson I've learned yet, so I can only say what it is that I hope it to be. The destroyer of doubt and the giver of reason. Ironically it could hold within the finality of being the last, the greatest lesson of the three, that the lessons that you have since learned, where not taught to simply leave jaded fragments of doubt that only bleaken any future potential, but instead to prove the age old idiom... that everything does in fact happen for a reason. That possibility, the shedding of nativity, the building of resiliency, strength, understanding, and being who you have become, were all necessary prerequisites to prepare you, for future things to come. The experiences of the past, all placed into the forges of patience, so that the amalgamation of confidence, trepidation, and expectation, all soften until they are malleable enough an alloy, to be beaten into the certainty of who you are, what you need, and what kind of love, the next one must be. The final tornado that will pull you into the eye of it's vortex, but instead of spitting you out as it has done so many times before... this time instead, it will pull you into the right place, so that you're standing next to the right person, to a union in which you both will thrive, until the end of your days and the last of your nights. The fates may have given, and the fates may also have taken, but it was part of the design built just for you. Kahlil Gibran once wrote "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course." Perhaps the fates agree, and the last lesson shows itself to us all, once we are truly ready, and have found ourselves, both deserving and worthy.
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